Lost but Never Forgotten – When You Lose Someone You Love
It is with sad eyes and a heavy heart that I write this blog post today.
Loss of a loved one
I’m not talking about death that comes with old age or sickness, but the end of a relationship. There’s no pain quite like the one that comes from this type of loss. Those who leave this earth have usually not willingly left you behind. Those who leave a relationship have willingly chosen to abandon.
Maybe in the pursuit of your dreams, you’ve felt the pain that comes when someone doesn’t agree with your path or your goals. Maybe they believe you should settle for more “reasonable” goals or they don’t believe in riches. My parents are very religious, and they passionately believe that their way is the only way.
For years I confined myself into a mold that didn’t fit me. I shaped myself and my life to appease those around me because they expected very particular things. For example, I was taught that the proper way to live included self-sacrifice and that the pursuit of riches is greedy; want for material things is the path of disaster. Those ideas caused me to think small and shrink my abilities so that I did not ‘face disaster’ or risk being seen as ‘greedy’. I wanted so badly to make everyone happy that I buried my true self deep inside and settled so that I could be what those around me expected.
Loss and Love
My parents have done the best they could to give me a happy life. They raised me in a very particular way that kept me safe. My life wasn’t perfect, but I will always appreciate what I gained out of my childhood.
I have chosen a different path; one that feels authentic and genuine to my true self. Slowly, over the years, I’ve broken free from the mold. I no longer allow religious beliefs to circle in my head or make decisions based on what those in my life want me to do. Instead, my decisions are based solely on what I feel within myself.
My heart is heavy and sad, not because I mourn the loss of my parents from my life, but because they have lost me. I finally made the heartfelt decision to let them know who I truly am – what my life is like and what I hope for in the future. Then, I relinquished the ties that held me to the past. Unfortunately, they have made the decision that feels aligned with their goals and have decided not to continue on this journey with me. That’s totally ok because everyone has the right to choose who walks on their path with them. I don’t want people in my life holding me back from my passions; I am proud of the choice I have made.
My True Self
Slowly, I’ve begun to experiment with different experiences that bring me joy and feel authentic to my true self. I have broken through some huge personal barriers. I was taught that working is a means to an end and that school is unnecessary (I’ve always been a hard worker but held myself back from the pursuit of my dreams). There have been many first-time experiences that I’ve highly enjoyed – the celebration of Christmas and my Birthday to name a few.
My plans for the future are huge, bigger than anything I’ve allowed myself to dream about in the past. I’ve realized that the light and drive within me is rare and special – I am capable of great things. To be in a box of rules and constrictions is unfair to the world around me and unfair to myself. There are people out there who need what I have to offer and who love me exactly the way I am. Anyone who does not align with my true self and my goals can be replaced.
Mind and Body Positivity
I have learned to love the sound of my feet walking away from people and situations not meant for me
Those who do not agree with our journey should not be allowed to hold us back. My parents always taught me that blood is not thicker than water. Our true family lies with those who support us along the way and who love us for who we truly are. I harbor no ill feelings or sadness towards this change in my life. I focus on the positive.
My morning yoga class was the best one I’ve ever had. Never before have I felt so aligned and secure within me. By embracing myself wholly, I allowed my true self to flow freely and, although it wasn’t supported, I don’t care – it proves to me that I have made the right choice and I feel solid and secure in that feeling. My father told me he hopes someday I come to my senses, but I truly feel that I’ve finally become fully aligned with my senses. We both chose the path that feels right for ourselves; maybe that means we both die someday having zero contact from this point forward. That would be an unfortunate outcome, but I know that I am on the path that is right for me. I hope they can say the same.
I hope you never experience something as dramatic as I have. If you do happen to experience something similar, remember – when you lose someone and it leaves a gap in your life, they were simply not suited for your future. Someone will sweep in and replace those gaps with all the love and support you could ever imagine. Don’t stress lovely – there are amazing things ahead.
